Quintessintial Quips from Little Voice

Eating:  Lemon Pie, Greek Salad, Baby Swiss Burger, and Fruit Salad with walnuts.

Drinking: Diet Cherry Coke….. sadly, no Mountain Dew when I arrived home today- the contractors working on finishing our basement drank it all.  :’-(

Mood:  If you had asked me earlier today I would have said exhausted due to horrible night and extremely depressed to the point that I, despite protests from my mother, took my bike and rode around (without a helmet!) for a good half an hour  with tears streaming down my face for no outstanding reason.  However, it is late and I shall write more on all of this tomorrow.  Although I will tell you that now, after having been to see Boy #2 (said boy is spoken of in third paragraph of Daily List 1) perform beautifully in the pit of his school play, I am much better than I was, even to the point of being content- that special little feeling only, it seems, he can give me on a regular basis.  In fact this even inspired a small freak out (aka holding coat to face and squealing in delight at removal from potential suicide watch list because of being around him) in the car on the way home from his house after pie and humourous conversation. How this contentedness came about will also be saved for the daylight hours of tomorrow.

Listening to: A Lack of Colour- Death Cab for Cutie  One of my favourite bands, and probably the best in my opinion, to come out of the Seattle coffeehouse scene.  Ben Gibbard is an absolute genius on the guitar and the band’s lyrics are just so true and moving.  Not to mention their unique style is breaking boundaries everyday- it’s marvelous listening for both the “lyrics” people and “music” people. 

That’s all for now.  It is 11:20 pm at the moment and mother has just entered and gave me “the look of doom” and told me to go to bed immediately.  I am not one to test the generousity of look anytime soon.  So much to tell tomorrow and I promise the FULL and JUICY story!

As the first order of business, we are about to embark on the first list of the blog.  This particular list shall be updated as frequently as I can get to it, hopefully everyday, whether or not followed by a full blog entry.  Of course, a few of these categories will be left out and others added at times, but they will all make appearances at least once a week. Hopefully, this will work to give everyone, including myself, better insight into… I suppose you could call it the patterns of life.  Here goes:

Eating: Lamb gyro and steak fries

Drinking: Water…. hopefully some Mountain Dew after I wake up tomorrow.  I WANT DEW!

Mood: Tired and sad. Tired from too much sleep which ends up equaling extreme hyperactivity. Sad because…. isn’t it strange how being loved and not being loved at the same time can have such a pull on your emotions?

 One that I’ve been IN love with since fifth grade, at the very least,  has completely ignored me and never has the decency to call, but yet I still consider him one of my best friends- although I do want more, I know that he does not feel the same way.  Even though I’ve asked him months in advance to do something, he’ll still find a way to cancel or simply be rude and not call.  It’s always something!  But his personality when I am around him, the smile that says “you’re such a prude, I don’t know why I put up with you- oh wait, it’s because you put up with me and I love ya for it” that he saves just for me, and he gives the best hugs that always make me feel safe and complete.  Just being with him sustains me. But the moment he leaves, it’s almost like he’ll never return- I never hear from him- and thus, he leaves my heart feeling like “swiss cheese.”

 The other I’ve certainly liked since about seventh but have only come to the realization that he really likes me- could perhaps be in love with me, in fact. We balance eachother perfectly and absolutely enjoy being in eachother’s company, but my feelings are nowhere near the brevity of his.  Although, he is the only person I’ve dated that has ever given me the “holy crap- I don’t know what the hell I’m doing” giggles and ever so famous ”butterflies in the abdominal area” feeling- that’s a good sign, right? I know that I can eventually learn to feel for him as he does for me, but in the interm, how do I know I won’t hurt him or his family in the process?  I would never, EVER, risk our friendship- he is much too important to me for that to be lost.  When I’m with him I’m content and he stoppers the swiss cheese holes in my heart from bleeding.  He is so wonderful and good and kind to me that, after I see him, I always feel better and want to be better, if only for him.

No matter what way you look at it, I’m sick with indecision.  Admittedly, it is an interesting delimma, similar to that of Bella in “New Moon” except I believe that deep down in my heart, I know that I will choose Jacob.  Too soon to tell but one must keep trudging.

Listening to: Hey Jude- Joe Anderson  I know you are thinking “what is this? Blasphemy!”  Yes, the Beatles did originally sing it, write it, perfom it, etc.  However, Joe Anderson, one of the supporting actors in the new film, based on Beatles songs, “Across the Universe.” He does an amazing rendition of the song and I enjoy it almost better than the original, not only because of the visuals I remember from the film, but the song is shorter and more choral for better listening ease.  I rather enjoy it.  It is on YouTube if you’d like to take a listen for yourself.

Reading: The Ballad of Lucy Whipple   At this point in my life I’ve decided to take a nostalgic look back on my life and read all the books I bought from Scholastic that I never got a chance to read and then donate it to…. someone.  Or sell it on Ebay.  It depend on how near the Christmas/ Hannukah season it is.  However, I could see how I liked this in third or fourth grade, I would not recommend it otherwise. 

Watching: Idiocracy  This is an absolutely horrible film with a great principle driving idea.  Luke Wilson (Legally Blonde) and Maya Rudolph (SNL) star as test subjects sent into hibernation, are forgotten about, and then re-animated 500 years later in a society where everyone’s IQ, due to the breeding capacity of some, has dropped significantly.  An example of this would be ‘Fuddruckers’ is now ‘Buttfuckers.’  Good for a really, really, really cheap laugh, but not much else.

Filming: Remembering Ryan Lee   This originally began as part of film for Project: Direct, sponsored by YouTube, for young independent filmmakers.  A young man at my school last year committed suicide and as I interviewed more people for the documentary I found what an amazing impact this event had on many of my peers’ lives.  This will be shut down and re-opened throughout the year but hopefully I can give the final project as a gift to the school and Ryan’s parents at the end of the year.

“Every wrong doing is done in the sincere belief that it is the right thing to do.”
~Benedict Arnold, American patriot and traitor.

A blog. A very interesting invention, not to mention useful. The very pinnicle of the technical age’s fostering of young writers. Not even FanFiction can compare to this in the volume of the blogs read and created everyday. There is no limit or copyright laws to conflict with in your real, everyday life. Stories, feelings, pictures, thoughts are all free here. So, after all these years of being plugged into the internet like the rest of my generation, why now?

It’s about time for people to be able to read the diaries that I’ve been writing for years. No… just kidding. My life is much too scandelous for that. But there does need to be a place for even those of my friends in far-off places, round-about places, and down-the-street places to see that I (the workaholic, homework-workaholic, should-be-an-alcoholic, commitment phobic, increasingly strange, stupidly smart, hermit-like weirdo) am still alive, although perhaps not kicking. In other words, this is mainly to work as a chronicle for my junior year of high school (admittedly, it is slightly late) and beyond. Every life needs a chronicle of some sort I think- something to remind people that you were once here among them.

So, what can I say? I’m average in almost every way because I’m different. The only similiarity I have with everyone else in this world is that I am human, in other words, a homosapien, relative of the Neanderthals. But then again, even acknowledging that link makes me different than some, people that most of us know as the “Creationist” lot, or in blunter words, the religious crazies.

That’s something else you should probably know- I’m highly opinionated and most certainly not afraid to let you know it. Although, I must admit, it is rather easier when you have a computer screen to hide behind. However, this can be a hinderance, as I will remind everyone (most pointedly some very silly ex-boyfriends), it is extremely rude and highly not recommended to do anything via email or the internet that can have an extreme effect on someone’s life, such as telling someone they have cancer, or that this email is being tracked by the CIA, or Breaking Up With Your Significant Other Of Six Months (hint, hint). This is not only impersonal, but can also spawn a revolt from the other person involved and you may find sugar in your gasoline tank the next week.

Another warning is that I am a list maker. Some people for hobbies are collectors, or even mountain men, others are anti-social, me- I’m a list maker. Personally, I think my hobby is the best for three simple reasons: hardly any clutter to create a distracting work environment, no deer ticks or poison ivy to deal with, and no buring bodies underneath floorboards. So, periodically, you will find among my updates, lists concerning various aspects of my life, annotated and organized in the orderly fashion in which lists were meant to be presented. This will hopefully work as another insight into this awkward life.

Before we embark on this journey, I must inform you of one other thing: you will think. This is not a blog for the weak of heart, the weak of body, the weak of soul, and most definately not the weak of mind. We live in a world of change and innovation, and with it comes responsibility. That responsibility is to properly manage what we have so far changed and innovated so that it will not be used inappropriately, or stupidly, if at all. We need people who can think for themselves, people who will shove aside all former beliefs to capture a new one and seriously consider it, people who will trust in their fellow man to help them make their decisions of consequence. We are here on this earth TOGETHER so we need to help it grow TOGETHER.

In closing, you will be offended, you will be forced to re-think formerly solid opinions, you will laugh, you will cry, you will read Shakespeare and Dickenson and Homer and Lewis and Rowling and Meyer and Azlan like you never have before, you will be intriguied, you will be bored, but most importantly, you will finally be able to see. I will never say that you have to believe the way that I do, nay, I will almost encourage you that you don’t. Where I am from, there are many people who will simply go through life, being told what they should believe, and they will because it’s “just what we do.” It is a terrible life to live being a closed-minded person- I know, I’ve been there; not only is a horrid life to live, but it is even more wretched to see such amazing people trapped in that small, dark room. Whatever it takes, an idea-maybe a shove, you should get out into the open. It is a beautiful, massive world that everyone should be able to revel in.